Tuesday, December 15, 2009 @ 12:38 AM
15th December 2009thunderstorm right now, sitting in the office..blogging.Just finished my project, waiting for it to be checked tomorrow morning. I lied to you this morning. I am actually not in the office, i went to the prinitng company to collect printing, waited for 2 hours there. i can sms you. But i chose to tell you i am doing my project instead. You forced me to lie. I am really sick of talking to you. Sometimes i just wish to throw my phone and laptop into the river. Totally out of contact with you. For everything i said, reply...you will definately be unhappy and that's went arguement begins.
I seriously don't understand. Am i being too "generous" or are you being too petty? small matters seem like no matter to me, but it seems like a super big matter to you. Like pouring a cup of drink?
I said i care for you. But you said you didn't feel it. You said you care about me, but when i say i didn't feel it, you make a big fuss out of it. You wanna meet me. i agree. i force myself to squeeze time out. But you are not contented. You ask for more. You expect me to travel all the way from jurong to sengkeng, just to meet you...and that's only when you will felt loved. I said nope, you say i doesn't care, doesn't miss you. Is that so? Is that the only way i can show you how much i miss and love you? What about you? did you ever travel down all the way to look for me? Don't say jurong...refer to bendemeer will do. Once? twice? Most of the time, i am the one who drove up to meet you. That time when you injured your leg, i drove all the way up from jurong to mahjong with you. Forgotten? Sending you dinner almost every night. Forgotten? I know this is not alot of time, but at least i once made the effort to do so.Why can't you just appreciate and remember this few memories? Why are you always asking for a consistence routine? Want this kind of things to happen every week? I am not as free as you think! I am also human! i need to rest! i need to sleep! Did you take all this into consideration? All you think about is "MY GF NEVER ACCOMPANY ME!" did you ever think that i am tired after work? i need a good rest, i need to do my reports. Now, who is being selfish?
I know you want to meet me because you miss me. But miss me till this extend? Over loving me give me stress. It is just like a parent who is very strict towards their children. But parents are doing this for the benefit of the children...but children tends to get stressed, tied up and start to go against their parents. This is what is exactly happening now.
Maybe your should reflect on all those arguments. Who started all those arguments? Not me. but you. i didn't start any arguement with you. Not even one. did i make a big fuss when you didn't send me home? did i make a big fuss when you don't pay for meals, instead i paid for yours? did i make a big fuss when you promise to make me sandwiches since september, but till now you didn't? did i make a big fuss when you fall asleep during the movie and when we are sitting at the park?I didn't. Because i always tell myself, it's ok,i understand. i understand that it's late, you need to rest early. I understand that you are not working, you can't support our dating, i understand that you have never entered the kitchen and you might be lazy at times to make sandwiches. But why didn't you give in to me a little more? "Oh...she can't meet me that often because she needs to work almost 7 days a week and need to accompany her mum as she hardly see her. She's tired, she needs to rest too." All you think of, is MY GF IS NOT DOING HER JOB, NEVER ACCOMPANY ME.
You are making me extremely unhappy, how can you expect me to speak and share my other problems with you? When i share, can you make me happier? I will thank god, if you can stop creating all this unhappiness for me. I don't ask for much. I don't expect you to make me happy...just don't make me unhappy will do. Some times...i asked myself. Why am i digging my own grave? If i don't take up this relationship, all this unhappiness would have been avoided! WHY?!!!!
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