Thursday, April 22, 2010 @ 10:38 AM
23rd April 2010It's 1.40am right now. Feeling tired but can't get to sleep..puzzled with things...should i invite you to my graduation? Of course i wish you can be there. But our friends will all be there. Looking at us graduate, and you can't....how will you feel? The questions and answer you got to face from friends. Putting down your pride and tell them you dropped out? Come to think, when this piece of news broke out to me 2 days back, i was calm. I was there to console you,hoping to make you feel better. Today, when i learn that you are not even taking part time to complete your course, i was really shocked, lost. But what can i do but to show you my support even i doesn't support you? If i doesn't support your decision, you will feel worse.
From the bottom of my heart, 60% doesn't support you, 40% netural. You are 26, no achievements, not even some saving to support your girlfriend.During the days we quarrrel, i did ask myself, are you worth loving? I admit i did feel disappointed with you. Perhaps i prefer a mature man who is career orentiated, capable. These are the man that can give me sense of security. I am not materialistic, but i do expect a man of age 26 to have a job by now.Not a 26 years old man who is still a student and no saving for future. Every time whenever i thought about this, i asked myself...what can i expect from a student? Every time you told me that you hope to give me good life in future, support me, this and that..i asked myself...did you put in the effort to do so? knowing that you have limited spending, why not look for a part time job instead of wasting your time going window shopping, finding programs this and that? You gave excuses like you can't give tuition because of certificate. But not necessary tuition right? Any job is better than no job...
Whenever my family or friends or whosoever asked about this issue..."what is your boyfriend doing?" "how old is he" "when you all go out who pay?".....i admit, i didn't feel good. It makes me feel that i am with a useless guy. Whenever i foot the bill, you think i felt nice? I want you to have your pride as a man. But you had limited abilities. Now, you told me you drop out of poly because you lost interest and need to study till april instead of august. Ha, totally disappointed. But i know i can't show it out.
From my point of view, since you spend 2 or 3 years doing the course, why not "waste" another yr to get the cert? rather than dropping out now and make you feel that u wasted 2,3 years..going off without getting the cert? You told me about the insurances job...but what if after a year, you think that this job does not suits you? If you get a dipolma, at least you can job hop. But now, all hopes pin on insurance company.
The problem with you that you have too much pride in yourself. You are lack of patience. Seeing that all your classmate graduated and you have another year to go, you lost interest in studying. I can see that you are embarass whenever weisheng or others ask about your studies. You can't bring yourself to tell them you repeated modules and have extra sem to go. To me, that should not be the way. If you look down on yourself, who will look up on you? What's wrong telling them about it? Perhaps i am not in your shoe.. i will not understand fully.
You mentioned to me that you doesn't wish to let most people know about you dropping out of poly. I respect your decision. But i don't encourage you to do it. Especially to your parents. They are your family, you shouldn't hide it from them. Making them happy, thinking that you graduated when the fact is you have not. That's lying. once again,I am not in your shoe, i doesn't know what you are thinking or how difficult it is to tell your parents. But to me, no matter how difficult or embarassing it is, you got to speak the truth. It is the decision you once made, you got to be responsible for not putting enough effort in your studies.
I can only say perhaps i am the cause of all these descision you made. You want to start earning money and save up to settle down with me. You want to earn money to support me, be a real man in front of me. Just then, johnathon came knocking on your door to invite you to join him. Yes, he might be earning big bucks every month. But out of a thousand agent, how many earns like him? I would say it's just his luck.
Since you choose this route, drop out and join him; then i, as your gf will support you or at least show you my support.I just hope that you will not regret in future. If you really does, everything will be too late. I hope that you can succeed and the decision you made is right.
All the best, darling.
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